


So What If I Am?

by AmieWritesFic



Series: SPN Fill-in-the-blank [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awesome Charlie Bradbury, Begging, Bottom Dean Winchester, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dream Sequence, Dreaming about Alternate Universes, Gay Panic, Hunter Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Masturbation, No Beta we die like Kings, No Gore, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Porn With Plot, Sassy Castiel (Supernatural), Sharing a Bed, Supportive Sam Winchester, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Virgin Castiel (Supernatural), Wet Dream, bi panic, coming out of sorts, mentions of OCs - Freeform, mentions of spanking, non-human blood, predestiel - Freeform, very mild Dom/Sub
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:48:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29727861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmieWritesFic/pseuds/AmieWritesFic
Summary: Dean has been waking up every friday morning with no recollection of his dreams the night before. All he knows is that something dirty happened, if his sheets were any indication. Castiel finds a spell that can replay his dreams for him to allow him to fill in some of the blanks. Little does he know that Castiel is far more involved in the whole thing than just performing the spell.Castiel severed ties with Heaven to be with the Winchesters and to help them save lives because it was the right thing to do. But when he starts hearing questionable prayers coming from Dean every thursday night, he starts to question his motivations for why he wanted to stay close to the hunter in the first place.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: SPN Fill-in-the-blank [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121711
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. The Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> This story just an excuse to write dirty, dirty things. The canon divergence is that Castiel DID fall from heaven, he's a fully powered angel but locked out of heaven for treason. Pergatory didn't happen, nor did the leviathan. Metatron doesnt exist in more than just name, Adam does exist but was never michael's vessel, and Lucifer is still snug in his cage. However, Kevin Tran is still a profit, but not a tragic story. Charlie meets the guys on a different case and stayed friendly with them.

Dean never understood why Cas would follow him around like a lost puppy. It wasn’t always like this, Cas used to be aloof and hardly responsive to him or Sam. But ever since Cas lost his place in Heaven’s ranks and became a hunter, Dean couldn't seem to get rid of the little guy. Not that he necessarily minded. Cas was good entertainment on a quiet day without a hunt. Dean made it his personal mission to help him learn all about the modern world and pop culture. They spent every Thursday night sitting in the bunker’s media room for family movie night. Just him, Cas, and Sam. Occasionally Jody, Charlie, or some other hunter would be passing through would join in, as well. Cas would spend half the movie commenting on historical or physical inaccuracies and Dean would argue and tell him to just give in to the make believe. Sometimes the arguments that ensued would be so bad that the movie would play on in the background barely being watched. Sam started holding bets with himself about what would set off the next fight between his brother and his friend. 

Dean didn’t mind the arguments. He couldn’t fully explain why, but movie nights always led him to having the most peaceful and restful sleep of his life. He would awake feeling refreshed and renewed every Friday morning. Although sometimes he awoke with just a warm feeling all over, the fact that he sometimes also woke up on those mornings with a spent dick, covered in drying cum, may be some indication of why he slept so well. . Dean never remembered the dreams that brought him so much pleasure, but he never felt the need to question it either. He would just clean up, change his sheets, and go on with his morning. 

This particular Friday morning, Dean was in the kitchen making scrambled eggs for him and Sam, when Cas made his way into the room. With a soft smile and a blush in his cheeks, he said a shy “Hello Dean.”

“Heya, Cas. Sorry for getting on your case last night but you did trash Indy.”

“I just don’t understand why the Ark of the Covenant melted their faces. The holy light of God would only blind them, not melt them. It’s very irresponsible to lie to the masses.”

“Cas, that's not the point of the movie. The point is Nazis are bad and in the end, the bad guys lose.”

“I’m not refuting that, but I am refuting the fact that the Ark doesn’t work like that.”

“Oh here we go again. It’s a movie, Cas. A movie. They aren’t supposed to be realistic...except documentaries, I guess.” Dean sighed as he moved the eggs, now burnt, to the trash can. “Let’s just drop it ok. I had a great night's sleep and I’m not about to ruin it with a fight.”

Sam entered the room at that, “Oh no. Are mom and dad fighting again?” he said with a laugh.

Dean and Cas sent him identical glares. Dean pointed at Sam with the spatula, “I told you to stop calling us that, Sammy.”

“Your brother is very difficult,” Cas said at the same time.

“Tell me about it.” Sam rolled his eyes before joining Cas at the table. 

“Quiet. Both of you.” Dean said, cracking more eggs to start the scramble over again, “You're ruining my Friday morning buzz.”

“Why are you always so chipper on Friday mornings?” Sam eyed his brother curiously.

Cas stayed quiet, his face growing pink. It was such a human reaction. 

“I have the best sleep of my life every Thursday night. I must conk myself out fighting with Wings McGee, over here, that I just sleep for a full 6 hours.”

“I can see how that would be cathartic.” Sam laughed as he got up to help make toast to go with their eggs. 

Castiel was still quiet, but his face was fully blushed and he was bouncing his leg. 

Dean continued, “Not to mention the dreams. I don’t remember what they are about, but I sure do wake up happy.”

“Gross, Dean. I don’t need to hear that.” Sam shoved his brother.

“I have to go!” Cas jumped up from his seat and rushed out of the room. Sam and Dean heard Cas’ bedroom door shut a moment later. 

“What was that about?” Sam asked.

Dean shrugged and finished cooking. “Dude’s just weird, i guess.”

~~~

The following Friday Dean woke up to his usual mess.He cleaned up and changed his sheets like normal. As he made his way to the kitchen he heard Sam and Cas whispering.

“Dude you have to tell him.”

“Sam, I can’t. I wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable or embarrassed.”

“Wouldn’t want who embarrassed?” Dean asked as he entered the room. 

Sam spoke up. “Cas said that if you want to remember those dreams, he may know a spell.”

“It’s a very simple one, Dean. But it may not interest you.”

“Wait. Really?” Dean was excited, “Cas, I gotta know what these dreams are. Maybe I can figure out a way to have them more often. I could sleep like a normal human being for once.”

“I will do the spell. But I must tell you, Dean. In order for this to happen, you won't be the only one seeing these memories. I will have to link my consciousness to yours and the dreams will play out like a film for me, but you will live your dreams as if they are real. It could potentially be very disorienting. Or you may not like what you see.”

Dean and Sam didn’t notice the slight sadness in Castiel’s eyes as he added that last comment. 

Dean placed his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “I trust you, Cas. I just...I gotta know.”

Cas nodded, “I will set everything up and meet you in your room. You will need to be lying down, so your bed may be more convenient.”

Dean gave a nod as Cas left the room. He had a small breakfast and then went back to his room. A few minutes later Cas knocked on his door. 

“I have the ingredients needed. I just need to know how far back you want to go.”

“Well, it’s been every Thursday night for the last 3 months. So I guess that long ago.”

“And only Thursday nights?”

“Yea, the other nights are shit.”

“Ok, this would probably be more comfortable if I sit at the headboard and you lie back on my legs.” Cas said as he situated himself in that position. He then placed a pillow on his lap for Dean’s head. 

Dean raised an eyebrow and felt a strange pull in his gut, He shrugged it off and laid back on the pillow. With his eyes open, he watched Cas mix a few ingredients in a bowl. Once it was done, Cas told him to close his eyes and then dabbed the mixture onto Dean’s temples. As he massaged the mixture in he recited the spell. 

_ In somnis autem non erat qui pereunt _

_ In somnis habuimus invenitur voluntas tua _

_ Iovis aliquando somnia introducerent _

_ Nam quinta Sabbati tribus mensibus abiit _

Colors swirled around in Dean’s mind as Cas repeated the spell twice more, his voice sounding further and further away.

And suddenly, everything went black.


	2. The First Thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first of Dean's dreams is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is the angel of thursday. So while i say this fic is an excuse to write loose plot around smut, i did put a tiny bit of thought into some of the finer points. Anyhoo, enjoy some dream sequences!

Dean opened his eyes. He was sitting in the War Room in front of his laptop. He realized he must have nodded off. Sam was across from him looking through large books covered in dust and mildew. The monster they were hunting was ancient and apparently so was everything they found while researching it. 

“So get this,” Sam said lifting his eyes from the text, “I think what we have is the Quetzalcoatl, the feathered serpent. This thing goes back to the Aztecs. I can’t seem to find how to take it out, just ways to keep it dormant a short while.”

“Well keep looking. Even if we can’t kill it, we need to find a way to keep it down for good.” Dean went back to his computer. He started off helping with research but had got distracted with an ad about autoparts and was now looking up some new parts for Baby.

They sat in silence a moment more, only for it to be broken by the Bunker’s door slamming shut. Castiel came barreling in with grocery bags in hand. “The man at the store tried to tell me they were out of pie. I knew he was lying, his soul wreaked of it. I may have scarred him for life, but I got your pie.”

Castiel shifted the bags and made his way to Dean. He leaned down and pecked the older Winchester on the lips in greeting before heading to the kitchen to put things away.

Dean beamed as he watched Cas walk away, “My man takes such good care of me.”

“Get a room.” Sam said with an exaggerated eye roll. 

“We have one, Sammy.” Dean pondered, “In fact, I think we earned a break. The Quazi-whatever-you-call-it only feeds once every 3 days. We still have a full day tomorrow to come up with a plan before it resurfaces. I say we call it a day and regroup in the morning.”

“You just want to go make out with Cas.”

“True, but you know i’m right anyways.” Dean clapped Sam on the shoulder before heading towards the kitchen. He turned back at the last second and yelled, “Oh and Sammy? You might want to wear the extra thick headphones tonight!”

Sam groaned and threw the pen he was using at Deans head. Dean just barely dodged it before getting to the hallway. When Dean walked into the kitchen he saw Cas methodically removing things around in the fridge to make room for the newer items. Dean walked over and quietly raised his hand back to smack Castiel’s ass. Just as he was about to make contact, Cas stood, turned, and grabbed his wrist. 

“I heard you coming a mile away, Dean.” Cas lifted an eyebrow in challenge.

“Well how would you like to hear me coming under you?” Dean flirted back.

“I have to put these away before anything spoils.” Cas said, turning back to the groceries. Dean pouted until he heard him add, “But if you go to our room and get yourself ready, I will be in as soon as I’m done.”

“Yea, well, don’t take too long.” Dean huffed, knowing full well that he sounded like a brat.

Cas turned, his chin high, his voice clear and direct. “I’ll take as much time as I desire. No be a good boy and go get yourself ready.”

Dean’s mouth went dry, like it always did when Cas used that voice on him. “Yes, Sir.” 

Cas smirked and went back to his task, knowing full well that Dean would comply. Dean practically ran to their room and stripped off all his clothes. He took a quick shower, it was his second one of the day and it was mostly just to rinse the smell of dirty old books off of him. He toweled dry and placed himself on the bed, on his back, with his knees spread. He reached into the bedside dresser and pulled out the lube. With practiced ease, he opened the bottle and warmed it between his fingers. Dean then reached down and slowly began to work himself open. His cock, which had been hard since Cas grabbed his wrist, was just starting to leak. Dean slowed down, knowing that if he came before Cas was there, he’d be in a hell of a lot of trouble. Unable to help himself, he gave his prostate a few strokes before returning to the task of simply preparing himself for Cas. 

With perfect timing, Cas got to the room just as Dean started to get too into his fingering. Cas quietly crossed the room, removing his many layers with a fluidity that Dean could never quite look away from. Once he made it to the foot of the bed, he was completely naked. Cas stilled Dean’s hand and pulled it gently away. Dean whined at the loss but knew something better was on its way to him. “Such a good boy staying hard for me.” Cas praised. 

Dean’s heart warmed at the sentiment. Cas moved to position himself between Dean’s legs. Dean didn’t even notice when Cas had gotten hard, but he could now feel his cock gently grazing his hip. Once Cas was completely hovered over Dean, he leaned in for a heated kiss. Dean would never admit it, but kissing Cas was better than the sex to him. He would give up sex forever if it meant he still got to feel Cas’ lips against his. Well, maybe not forever because the sex was pretty electric too. Dean broke from his thoughts and Cas’ lips to gasp as he felt him enter him. 

“Cas…” He said in almost a whisper. A whisper filled with every emotion and feeling they had ever expressed to each other. 

“So good for me, Dean.” Cas panted as he bottomed out. “You take me so well.”

The next few moments were filled with heated kisses, deep rumbling moans, and gasps of each other’s names. The sounds of two souls intertwined. Two bodies, two hearts becoming one. It was almost like a prayer to Dean. As he felt his orgasm crash over him like waves on the shore during a storm, he called out for Cas, his love, his salvation.

Then just like that, everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was writing this after re-reading Four Letter Word a good idea?.....yes....yes it was and you can't convince me otherwise!


	3. Another Thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another look into one of Dean's dreams about Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean apparently dreams in AUs.

“Dean!” 

Dean jolted awake. He was lying in the Impala trying to enjoy one moment of sleep as they drove back from Phoenix. He glanced to the back seat to see Sam looking just past him, slightly panicked. Dean reached slowly for his gun as he turned to follow Sam’s gaze. There, standing two feet in front of the Impala, was a haggard man in a trench coat covered in dried blood. The man had a look of absolute shock on his face, like someone who had witnessed a horrific event. However, he showed no other signs of injury. It was safe to assume the blood he wore was not his own. Dean sat up and eased his way out of the car, keeping his hand close to the gun’s handle. 

“Hey Buddy, you okay?” Dean asked carefully as he eyed the man, trying to get a read on him.

The man looked at Dean, his eyes intense. He slightly tilted his head as if he too was trying to understand Dean. Dean was struck by the intense blue that looked back at him, the slight stubble peppering the strangers jaw, the soft pink lips that were currently fixed in a slight scowl.

“Hey, man. Do you speak english? Spanish?” Dean tried to make conversation. He made a quick gesture with his hand, “Sign language?” 

“I speak many languages.” The man finally said, his voice graveled and almost robotic. 

“Ok, let’s stick to English. I’m kind of shit at everything else. What’s your name, man?”

“My name is…” The man hesitated, “...Castiel. My name is Castiel.”

“Ok, Castiel, my name is Dean and my brother, Sam, is in the car. Everything alright?” Dean asked, keeping reasonable space between him and the stranger, keeping his hand ready to draw at any moment.

“Are you going to shoot me, Dean?” Castiel asked, taking a step forward. 

“That depends. Wanna tell me why you’re covered in blood?”

Castiel looked at his outfit. He seemed slightly taken aback by the state of his clothing as if he had no idea it was dirty. “This is not human blood, if that’s your concern.”

“You killing bears in the woods with grenades or something. How did this happen?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me, Bud. Nothing can shock me.”

“It belongs to a group of shapeshifters. They impersonated my family before slaughtering them all two weeks ago. I took them out. I’m what's called a hunter. This was the first time my family was attacked, though. I just haven’t been able to go back to that house.”

Dean visibly relaxed at the statement, only to quickly feel dread for this stranger. He knew the devastation that came from losing a loved one to monsters. “Dude, we’re hunters too. Look, I know you have no reason to trust us, but at least let us get you a change of clothes from the car. You might fit into something of mine.” 

Castiel said nothing as he removed his bloody coat and shirt. He was unbuckling his pants when Dean realized he was staring. It was hard to look away. Castiel’s ill fitted clothing and all the shifter blood covered up how perfect his body was. Dean noticed Castiel’s tan extended down his chest and back. And with the trenchcoat removed, it was hard for Dean not to stare at Castiel’s ass. When Dean did avert his eyes, Dean caught the knowing look from Sam in the backseat. Dean glared back as if daring Sam to say something, but Sam simply shrugged. 

Dean made his way to the trunk, grabbed a tshirt he didn’t care about and a pair of sweatpants for Castiel. When he turned to hand the clothes to the man, he was greeted with the sight of a fully nude Castiel. “Dude!” Dean looked away, blushing. “You could have left your underwear on.”

Castiel took the clothes thrusted in his face and dressed himself, “I wasn’t wearing any. I find undergarments to be very constricting.” 

“Yea, I can see why you would.” Dean slipped, “I mean… get wanting freedom...not that I looked.”

Castiel tilted his head at Dean once again. He watched the blush work it’s way from Dean’s cheeks and down his neck. Unphased by the inappropriateness of his next comment, Castiel replied, “Yes. I am told I’m very well endowed. My husband is… was never left wanting.”

Dean’s mouth was drier than a desert, “Husband?”

Castiel squinted at him. “Yes. My husband. I am gay, is that a problem?”

“No! No problem at all. You just have that kind of look, girls would go crazy for.” Dean said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “And some guys.”

“Are you flirting with me, Dean? My family was killed two weeks ago.” Castiel seemed less angry and more incredulous about the situation. 

“Oh sweetheart, if I were flirting with you, you would definitely know it.” Dean sent a wink back at Castiel and then immediately realized it was probably the wrong thing to say. He cleared his throat and added, “I’m really sorry for your loss, Cas.”

Cas looked off into the empty street nearby. “Occupational hazard, I guess. We met on a case. I thought having someone who knew the life would make it easier, but the longer we were together, the less we wanted to go out into the fray. It’s hard to risk your life everyday when you have something you never want to lose. And when we adopted our son, I never wanted to hunt again. As much as I wanted the world free of monsters for him, I couldn’t let there even be a chance he would ever lose me. Morgan agreed and he and I started working from home. We had a network of hunters who could call us to help research a monster or even help them find cases, but we never went back out there. I hadn't even wielded a weapon until…”

Dean’s heart ached for this man’s story. “Shit. I’m sorry you had to go through any of that. I couldn’t imagine losing a spouse or a child. I barely kept it together when we lost our Dad...and that man was far from a saint. Trust me.”

Sam must have gotten bored in the car because he had decided to come and join them after a minute. After a quick introduction, the 3 men started trading brags. Dean talked about taking out a vamp nest single-handedly. Sam went on about his first poltergeist. Castiel talked about an epic fight he had with a Djinn. The sun started to get unbearable for them to stand outside, so the Winchester’s decided it was time for them to head to their next checkpoint, a motel outside of Albuquerque. Castiel bid them farewell and went to continue his hike down the roadside. Sam and Dean shared a look. After an afternoon of bonding, they felt somehow responsible for this man they just met. 

“Hey, Cas?” Dean yelled out before he was too far away. “Why don’t you join us? It’d be a hell of a lot easier on your feet and you already said, you can’t go home.”

Castiel looked at Dean with a small, truly genuine smile. “If you insist.”

Dean would forever deny it, and Sam would forever tease him about it, but he felt as if a warm blanket were covering his body and holding him close. Seeing Castiel smile did something to Dean. And at that moment, Dean gave a silent prayer to a God he wasn’t even sure existed, that one day he would have the chance to always be the reason for that smile.

Cas climbed into the backseat of the Impala and as the three men slammed their doors shut, everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl, idk if i like how this one turned out....
> 
> Also if you're here from TikTok, "Hello" *Jack wave*


	4. Interruptions and Gay Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up and doesn't know what to feel.  
> Cas discovers something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter so far and it's a doozy.  
> What you need to know: They cycled though a few of Deans dreams "off-screen". I didn't went to write all of them because it would have gotten too repeatitive, but one is mentioned. Also, Cas is still a virgin with a captital V. And Charlie is my favorite non-TFW character and I will protect her at all costs!

Dean couldn’t see, but he could hear everything. He could feel everything. When Cas suggested they try a blindfold, Dean was skeptical. They first tried making the room dark, but Dean’s eyes adjusted too quickly and he liked looking at Cas too much to keep his eyes closed. So, on a night that Sam was off hunting with Garth, Dean told Cas that he wanted to go ahead and try the blindfold. 

At first he was anxious. Each sense heightened to makeup for his loss of sight. But after a moment, he realized that that worked in his favor; not knowing where the next touch, the next kiss, the next lick was going to be. It was the most stimulated he had ever felt in his life. Just as he felt Cas’s lips make their way from his collar bone to his chest, he knew that the teasing was done and finally he would get some sort of release. Cas moved lower to Dean’s stomach and then to his hip bones at a painstakingly slow pace. And just as he felt those perfect lips reach the base of his cock…

...all the sensations were gone. Dean shot up as if he were loaded onto a spring. He was in his room, he wasn’t naked, he wasn’t blindfolded. But he was extremely hard and turned on. He was on his bed as he slowly remembered where he was and what was happening. He was under a spell to relive his Thursday night dreams. He had just experienced a series of dreams where he was sexually involved with Cas. Cas, who was currently sitting on his bed, also watching the dreams. Dean slowly turned his head to look at his friend. Cas was staring unrelenting back at him. The blue in his eyes was barely a sliver around his blown out pupils. Dean knew that look, Cas was just as turned on as him. Dean dared a quick glance down at the pillow in Cas’s lap. He noticed the death grip Cas had to keep it from sliding off, or maybe he was just trying to ground himself. Dean, on the other hand, felt like he was stuck, too grounded. He felt the walls starting to close in on him. With all of his strength, Dean got up and bolted out of the room without a single word to Cas. 

Sam saw Dean run up the bunker steps and out the front door. Confused, he goes to find Cas, only to see the angel quickly brush past him and into his own designated room. “What the hell just happened?” Sam asked into the empty hallway. 

~~~

Dean was halfway to Blue Rapids before he let himself breathe. However, his exhale just ended up being more of a holler, or a scream. He was starting to panic and he knew that driving wasn’t going to be a good idea in a moment. So he pulled over to an abandoned looking rest stop. Then everything sunk in. The dreams Dean was having, the ones that left him satiated and energized, were about Cas. Not just regular sex dreams, dirty and kinky sex dreams. And the rest were just about how hot Cas was. Not that Dean thought Cas, or any guy, was hot.

Well that wasn’t entirely true. Dean had eyes. He could tell if someone was attractive, male or female. That didn’t mean he was into dudes. Sure he may have taken his separation with Benny a bit harder than most people would take losing a friend, and maybe that Aaron guy they met on a hunt flustered him with the whole gay thing, and maybe his heart beats differently whenever he watches Dr. Sexy on TV. It didn’t mean he was gay. Dean likes women, he loves women. In fact, that's what he needs. He’s just repressed because it’s been a while since he got laid. Dean started the car back up and kept driving, looking for a decent place to pick up a chick. That will solve whatever crisis he was going through. 

~~~

Castiel was freaking out. He had thought he heard Dean praying to him in his sleep for the last few weeks, and he did think the prayers seemed a bit wanton, but he really had no idea of the level of Dean's dreams. While their consciousnesses were connected, Castiel had to watch each dream of Dean’s playout like a movie. A very pornographic movie. It made him curse the more human parts of his existence. With his vessel now being only his to reside in, his grace started to meld with normal human reactions. He could eat and drink occasionally without it tasting of nothing but molecules, he got tired but still never slept, and more recently, he started to feel more basic animalistic reactions. It was nothing like when he watched the video of the Pizza Man and the Babysitter. Sure that was mildly arousing, but it paled in comparison to watching himself in various sexual encounters with Dean. The same Dean who looked at him as a friend, family even. The very straight Dean that only went for beautiful women with more Daddy issues than he himself probably processed. And Castiel, well he didn’t know what he liked. He found most humans to be beautiful. They were fascinating creatures. But in terms of sexual attraction, this was really a first. He and Dean had a bond stronger than Cas had with Sam. Because while Castiel found all humans fascinating, Dean always intrigued him the most. He figured it was because of having to watch over the soul that would one day give way as Michael’s Sword, or as the man who helped him become his own person and give him free will, or as the man who took him in as family when he was cast out of Heaven. Cas just felt there were a lot of complexities with Dean. 

Cas sat on his bed, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. He never really used the bed, except to sometimes meditate. Which is what he needed at the moment. Lying back, Castiel closed his eyes and took calming breaths. He focused on the subtle noises of the bunker. The clang of the water heater, the hum of the lights, the dull thuds of Sam lumbering around down the hall. He focused on the air in the room, its smell, its density, how it flowed over him. As Cas started to feel his body relax and melt into the mattress, a vision formulated behind his closed lids. Two piercing green eyes, a strong jaw with just a whisper of scruff, perfect pink lips quirked into a crooked smile. As Castiel let his meditative state take over, a vision of Dean formed in his mind. When he really thought about it, Dean was strikingly beautiful. The vision began to manifest itself into a version of Dean that Castiel had seen in one of Dean’s dreams, only this time, Cas wasn’t watching himself, but he was living the dream. Dean was the Pizza Man and Cas was the babysitter. Only instead of Cas being spanked, Dean’s dream had reversed their roles. Castiel envisioned Dean, naked and begging, laying over his lap. Every time his hand came down to smack the perfectly round ass before him, it caused Dean to thrust his very hard erection against Cas’s clothed one. It was not enough stimulation to get him off but enough to send tingles up his spine every time. 

Castiel opened his eyes, causing the fantasy to dissipate. With a quick look down, he could see the effect it had had on his body. Almost as if his human form was taking over, Cas slowly lowered his hand to his lap. He tentatively cupped around himself and gave a small squeeze. A moan shivered through his body and his hips rolled up in response. Wanting to chase that feeling, he did the motion again and again. His pants had started to feel uncomfortable, so Castiel quickly unbuckled his belt, opened his fly, and pushed the pants just below his hips. He continued his actions over the loose boxer shorts he had on. He felt his heart start to quicken and his pulse rush as his hips started to thrust against his palm. Short, noisy breaths spilled from his mouth. The movement of his hips shifted Castiel’s boxers because suddenly his dick had made its way out of the hole in front of them. The second he made skin to skin contact, Castiel let out a low, vibrating moan that echoed through the room. In the back of his mind, he knew Sam must have heard him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. On instinct, his hand wrapped around his erection and his hips were thrusting in his grip. Cas squeezed his eyes shut, trying to chase a feeling he didn’t even fully understand. He knew it was an orgasm, but he had no idea how to make one happen. In all of Dean’s dreams, Cas never fully saw himself finish. He only got to see Dean get worked up, begging for release, begging for Cas to fill him. 

Thinking about Dean must have helped, somehow, because suddenly Castiel felt his whole body tense as he made one aggressive thrust into his fist. His vision went white and he felt a burst of energy flow through him as he spilled all over his hand and dress shirt. After a few aftershocks, Castiel felt a tinge of sensitivity and pulled his hand away. He may not know much about sex, but Cas was very aware that he just experienced his first orgasm. And he did it while thinking about Dean. He felt his dick twitch in interest at the thought. Apparently angel recovery was much faster than humans. Castiel reached back around himself and started to stroke himself again.

And suddenly, Cas forgot why he was freaking out. 

~~~

Dean had tried 3 separate bars trying to pick up chicks to no avail. With a sigh, he made a phone call to Charlie. If he wasn’t going to get laid tonight, he might as well get to at least nerd out with his pseudo-sister. 

“Hey Bitch, #1!” Charlie said cheerfully into the phone.

“Hey Kid, any plans tonight? I’m not far out of your neighborhood. I needed to get out of the bunker and we don’t have a case so I’m in need of some kind of entertainment.”

“Look no further, Deano. I just got this new zombie game. All the fun of killing something without any of the mess.”

The drive to Charlies was relatively short. They had met on a case locally in Kansas and the Winchesters had kind of taken the hacker under their wing. She was instrumental in a case of a vamp luring victims in a web scam. She also set up their credit cards to work in a less-than-legal way so they no longer needed to hussle by playing pool. And with her being a lesbian, she was perfect for someone to confide in about the whole dream situation.

At Charlie’s, Dean spent the first hour drinking beer, playing the zombie game, and pigging out of junk. But Charlie was pretty good at reading him, so once they hit a checkpoint, she paused the game. 

“Ok, Dean. Tell me why you're really here. Not that I don’t love your visits but you always say you hate coming out to Topeka and demand I meet you halfway. You only drive out here if you need to talk about something Sam can’t know.”

“It’s fine Charlie.”

“No it’s not. What is it? You didn’t sell your soul again, did you?”

“No, of course not. Going to hell once is enough for me.” Dean sighed. He figured he might as well bite the bullet and tell her. “Apparently I’m having sex dreams about Cas, now.”

Charlie turned the game off and faced Dean, popcorn bowl in hand. “Tell me everything!”

And Dean did. He left out the more graphic details, mainly because Charlie was like his sister and she didn't need to hear them. But also because he was a little afraid of what would happen if he dwelled on them for too long. He told her about the weekly dreams, the spell Castiel performed, and that the dreams were quite graphic. “So what is that about? I like chicks.”

Charlie thought for a moment before responding. “Ok, so it could be a multitude of things. The most symbolic being that your movie night arguments get you riled up and the fact that you haven’t had sex in a while, and then your brain just manifests the two things as being related. It turns your normal frustration into a solution for sexual frustration. It could also be a manifestation of your sudden closeness with Cas and the fact that you two have that weird ‘profound bond’ thing because of that mark on your arm.”

Dean’s shoulder tingled as Charlie said that. Castiel explained that in the process of saving him from Hell and putting his soul and body back together, a small bit of his Grace had scarred him. It’s the reason behind their bond, but it wasn’t tethering. 

Charlie continued, “Or there is the very possible fact that you find Cas attractive.”

“I’m not gay.”

“I didn’t say that.” Charlie rolled her eyes, “I know you probably grew up hearing otherwise but sexuality isn’t black and white. You can be, for all intents and purposes, straight, but have a mild attraction to a man here and there. For instance, I’m a lesbian and have no intention to ever be with a dude, but Chris Hemsworth? Yea, I get it. I don’t think I’d want his dick anywhere near me, but I would full on make out with Thor. I mean, don’t you kinda have a little boy crush on Dr. Sexy? That doesn’t make you gay, it makes you human. Maybe you just repressed your attraction to Cas too much and now your brain is fighting you back. And I can’t really speak for you because only you could answer this, but if you find yourself attracted to men occasionally, theres a very real possibility you’re bisexual. But really Dean, only you can answer that about yourself. And try not to overwhelm yourself about it. They more you let yourself freak out about it, the more its going to fuck with you. I mean, who says you even need to be anything. Labels aren’t meant for the people who are attached to them, they are meant for the people who are reacting to those attached to the labels.” 

Dean sat in silence, taking in Charlie’s words. 

Charlie stood and clapped Dean’s shoulder, “Hey, I’m gonna let what i said sink in and order a pizza and text Sam. You can definitely stay here tonight if you want. It’s a long drive back and you’re obviously a bit distracted.”

Dean nodded as she walked off. He rubbed his hand across his face. Dean sat in Charlie’s tv room contemplating his past with men. Not just the Benny thing, or the brief encounter with Aaron on the Gollem case. He thought about Lee, another kid who grew up hunting. They had crossed paths a few times in Dean’s youth and whenever they did, Dean was practically glued to the boy’s side. Dean always attributed it to the fact that it was someone his age who was going through the same things he experienced. But now, years later, Dean remembered more about the story. He remembered how Sammy would get annoyed about Dean constantly talking about Lee. He remembered never being able to fully relax when he was around him. Mostly he remembered his dad’s reaction to their friendship saying they were too close to be natural. And when John refused to let Lee or his dad work on any more cases with them, upon seeing Dean upset, he said “Now don’t get all fairy on me, boy. Y’all were too close for boys.”

Maybe he was closer to Lee than just friends. They hugged a lot, sometimes lingering in the embrace. Lee always called him ‘pretty boy’ and not in a teasing why, but more as a term of endearment. Which led Dean to remember other moments in his life where his interactions with men may have been less platonic and more flirtatious. Dean liked to charm his way through life, but he never acted like that with Charlie, Garth, Ash, or other people he sees as just friends. 

Dean then thought about Cas. He admitted before that he wasn’t blind and could appreciate if someone was attractive. Cas was incredibly handsome. He had a strong jaw, beautiful blue eyes, soft (albeit chapped) lips, and that thousand watt smile that lit up a room every time Dean was able to actually coax one out of him. And then there was the intense stare Cas always gave him. It was overwhelming, especially when Cas was mad. That look was hot. Dean could admit that much. Which is probably why he one time told him, “You know Cas, not for nothing but the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid.” Dean even thought back on the movie night arguments, the ones that always preceded those dreams. Cas had that intense stare pointed at Dean as they argued the physics of the Death Star’s Thermal Exhaust Port. Dean remembered a fleeting desire to kiss Castiel right then and there. At the time, Dean interpreted the feeling of wanting to wipe the smug look of Cas’ face for being a smartass, but now he knows in the pit of his stomach, he wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss Cas. He wants to kiss Cas. He wanted to kiss Lee, and Benny, and Dr. Sexy, and Jeremy, and countless others. But mainly and currently, he wants to kiss Cas.

Charlie reentered the room with two pizza boxes and a six pack of beer. Dean must have been sitting there thinking longer than he realized. 

“So what if I am?” Dean’s voice was scratchy from lack of use.

“What?” Charlie asked before opening the box.

“Bisexual. So what if I am Bisexual?” Dean was shaking at the slight confession.

Charlie smiled. “Then let's talk it out.”

~~~

After a long night at Charlie’s, Dean was feeling much lighter. The conversation left him sure of two things. One, that he was occasionally attracted to men, but not really romantically. And two, he was without a doubt romantically and physically attracted to Cas. That was if the hour Charlie spent comparing them to Benedict and Beatrice from some Shakespeare play was anything to go by. Dean’s long drive back to Lebanon was mostly just him trying to calm himself down. 

He wasn’t necessarily nervous about his newly realized crush, he apparently was very good at repressing emotions, but more about the fact that Cas had seen the dreams. He knew exactly what Dean’s subconscious was up to and now they both have to deal with that. 

When Dean got to the bunker he was greeted by a very confused Sam in the War Room. “Dean? What the hell? Why did I hear from Charlie last night but not you? I called you like 10 times.” 

“Sorry, mom. I needed a little fresh air. I was halfway to Charlie’s before I even realized it.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Dean, with what we do...it’s perfectly natural that I might worry when you go M.I.A. Especially since Cas won't even talk to me. He shut himself in his room since you left. One minute he’s doing the dream spell and the next you both run off. What the hell hap-” Sam cut off short as a slight realization came to him. “Wait. Were your dreams about Cas?”

Dean couldn’t stop the pink forming on his cheeks and ears. “Dude, no. Shut up.”

Sam put his hands up in defeat, smirking at Dean knowingly. “Ok, fine. I’ll drop it. But I am glad you’re back. I have to head out. Kevin is doing some college thing and he needs to prove his ‘internship’ with us is legitimate. I figured its safest for us to go with the Cultural Archives route. The Prophet of the Lord seems loony bin level to a normal person. I’ll be gone a couple days. So whatever you need to work out, please do so before I get back.”

“Yea, whatever, Sammy. Tell the kid I say hi, okay.” Dean nodded, understanding full well what Sam meant by that statement.

“Oh a Dean, just so you know.” Sam said shouldering his duffle, “whatever it is you work out, I am here and I support you.”

Dean gave his brother a nod and smiled quietly to himself. After his talk with Charlie, he knew that his brother would be supportive in ways their Dad never would have been were he alive. If there was anything Sam understood, it was not living up to the standards of John Winchester. 

~~~ 

After a couple calming shots from a whiskey bottle, Dean made his way to Cas’s room. He knocked softly, “Hey, Cas?”

There was an odd shuffling and a frantic “One moment.” A minute later, a frazzled Castiel opened the door a small bit and stared at Dean, wide-eyed. “You’re back? You’re here. You're actually back?”

Dean squinted at Cas. He was acting weirder than normal. “Is there a reason you thought I wouldn’t come back to my own home?”

“No, I just thought...I...uh,” Cas cleared his throat and calmed his face into his usual expression, “Hello, Dean.”

Dean smirked, “Can I come in?”

“Well, I don’t know if that's…”

“You’re not raising bees in here again, are you?” Dean pushed the door wide open and strolled in. He stopped short when he saw the state of the room. The air was musty, not unfamiliar. The bed was rumpled, which was strange since Cas doesn’t sleep. Then Dean saw the trash bin filled with tissues and the disorder of Cas’s clothes. It was as if he got dressed in a hurry, like he was just interrupted. “Cas? Were you…?”

Castiel’s face was bright red. “I…”

“Cas. You know you could have probably just used angel mojo to clean this all up, and get dressed?” Dean was trying to be supportive and not let the fact that his brain was short circuiting be known. The reality was that Cas had been masturbating, a lot, and even seconds before he opened the door. And it didn’t take a lot of brains to figure out what got him worked up. 

“Angel..mojo...yes, that would have been more wise.” Cas chastised himself and with a snap of his fingers, his clothes were in order and the bed was made. The musty smell however remained to remind the two men what exactly had been occurring in that room. “Dean I…”

“Nope, no need to explain. I’ve had my fair share of marathon weekends.” Dean winked at Cas before he got an idea. A way for him to maybe work out his attraction to Castiel without making the angel flee to who knows where. “Hey Cas, do you think we have more of those dream spell ingredients?”

Cas looked at Dean as if he just grew a second head, “Why?”

“Well, if i’m counting correctly, we still have two more Thursday night dreams to resurface.” Dean winked at Cas again and made his way to his own room. “You coming?”

Castiel groaned, willing his body to stop reacting so quickly. He followed Dean to his room only to be greeted by the man reclining on his bed in just his t-shirt and a pair of tight boxer briefs. With calming breath, Castiel mixed the ingredients still sitting on Dean’s nightstand, took his position on Dean’s bed, placed the pillow in his lap, and allowed Dean to lay back on it. Cas had to fight the urge to thrust up against the pressure. He anointed the concoction to Dean’s temples and began the chant, once again.

Dean closed his eyes, trying not to focus on the slight bulge behind his head, separated only by a single flimsy pillow. He stripped down to his underwear and shirt to get this exact rise, for lack of a better word, out of Cas. He took three deep breaths as he started to sink further and further under the spell.

Then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last 2 dreams will be coming up and then we move to real life!
> 
> Also does anyone want to read the Destiel Pizza Man AU based on Dean's mentioned dream? I'm not the best at writing spanking but now its stuck in my head......


	5. Can You Sleep in Dreams?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Theres only one bed...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Op, it's the obligatory bed sharing chapter!

Dean opened the door to the motel and groaned. He had asked the girl at the desk for 2 rooms with two beds, but apparently she only had one double and one single available. Sam had grabbed the keys for the double too fast and gave the spare to Charlie. She was joining them on another cyber-related hunt and she had already claimed Sam as her designated roommate for the road trip and the case itself. 

“You snore too much.” was all she said as a reason and Dean just let it go. 

This left him to room with Castiel, who had done a number on his grace on their last hunt and now had to actually sleep and eat until it was fully restored. It was a strange change of pace for the angel, but he didn’t let it get him down. Their last two stops went fine, two beds and Cas usually was awake and ready to go before Dean rolled out of bed and dragged himself to a shower. But this motel, the only one within miles of the case, was where the arrangement fell apart. Dean got stuck in a single with Cas. Luckily, it was a King size bed, but still he had to share a bed with someone. He hadn’t done that since he was 10 and Sammy was too little for it to even bother him. Dean hated sharing beds, even with past girlfriends. If the mattress shifted, or his bed partner touched him in any way, it would wake him up completely and it was already hard enough for him to get sleep as it was. 

Dean dropped his duffle bag onto the small table in the corner of the room. It was late and he had just driven for eight hours straight only stopping once for gas and bathroom breaks. “Alright, I’m gonna wash the smell of the highway off of me. Do you mind taking care of the warding?”

“Not at all, Dean.” Cas nodded once before unpacking the necessary items he needed. 

Once Dean was done with his shower and in his sweatpants and tee, he went to go finish the warding so that Cas could clean up and change as well. When he emerged from the bathroom in his pj pants and a plain t-shirt, Dean couldn’t help but linger in his gaze. It had been a few days, but he was still not used to seeing Cas look so casual. It made sense, sleeping in a full suit would have been difficult, but seeing Cas’s arms was jarring to Dean. The vessel Cas inhabited was in relatively good shape to begin with, but now that Jimmy was dead and only Cas was at the reigns, it began to tone into one hell of a specimen. Dean quickly snapped out of his staring and put the last couple warding symbols up. They found that clear ink worked best for temporary dwellings. It also kept the places safe for at least until the wallpaper was changed or the building got knocked down. Dean made his way to the bed and stood next to it, Cas mirrored him on the other side. 

“Ok, ground rules. One, stay on your side. Two, don’t touch me while I’m sleeping, if you need to wake me up for any reason, just turn a light on. That will do it. Three, try not to move around too much. Pick a comfortable position and stick to it. Got it?”

Cas nodded, “Got it.”

They climbed in and Dean switched the lamp off. Cas snuggled in, but mostly clung to the edge of the bed. Once Dean had finally gotten to sleep, he felt something wrap around him. His eyes bolted open and he looked down to see Cas’s arm across his stomach. With an eye roll, Dean very carefully lifted Cas’s arm off of him, and slowly pushed Cas away to his side of the bed. Dean then, for good measure, put a couple pillows between them as a barrier. After a moment, he was finally able to fall asleep again. Just as Dean was reaching a good deep sleep, he felt Cas wrap around him again. Cas had completely rolled over the pillow wall and was now fully spooning Dean. And what was worse, Cas had an erection. Dean froze, wide awake, at the feeling of Cas hard against his ass.Cas must have enjoyed the light pressure, because he started to roll his hips into Dean. Still in shock, Dean allowed the action for a bit. He heard Cas’s breath start to quicken and his hips moved faster. Dean came to his senses when he found himself starting to react to the ordeal in a very not-so-hetero sort of way. Doing what he thought he had to, Dean took the arm around his middle and roughly pushed Cas off him. This woke Cas, who shot up straight in the bed.

“Cas, please don’t hump me while I’m trying to sleep.” Dean groaned into his pillow, willing his own semi-erection to go away. 

“Shit, Dean. I am so sorry. I didn’t realize...I..oh my god…” Cas started to panic.

Dean, who was now just awake, sat up and put his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Hey, Buddy. It’s okay. I just don’t like being touched while I’m sleeping. I’m not judging you for wanting to get off, just next time make sure I’m awake and ask. You know consent and all that.” 

“I am so sor- wait. What?” Cas looked at Dean in shock. “Are you saying you want to be awake and I dry hump you?”

Dean tossed the idea in his head. It wouldn;t be the first time he did something sexual with a guy. “Maybe, but I would at least give you a hand.” He winked at Cas.

“A hand?” Cas was still processing what Dean was saying. 

“Yes, Cas.” Dean turned to Castiel at this point and put his hand on his friend’s thigh, slowly sliding it to the now returning erection between Cas’s legs. “You know, a hand.”

“I would very much like that.” Cas said with a quick nod as he felt Dean’s fingers wrap around his clothed cock. 

“Lay down.” Dean said as he slowly pumped Cas over his pyjama pants. Cas complied and let Dean take control over his body. Dean worked him to full hardness before slipping Cas’s waistband down. Dean pulled his hand back to his mouth and licked his palm while holding eye contact with Cas. He then lowered his hand back to Cas’s cock, gripping it with just the perfect amount of pressure and slowly sliding up and down. However the long drive and the writing of warding signals made Dean’s wrist a bit tired, so making an executive decision, he silently coerced Cas to slide lower onto the mattress. Dean grabbed a pillow off the bed and placed it on the floor, allowing him to kneel between Cas’s legs. Holding Cas’s gaze, Dean lowered his head and licked along his length. This was new for Dean. He had had a guy go down on him, and Dean had gone down on girls, but this would be the first cock to ever be in his mouth. And honestly, Dean couldn’t be more excited. Just that first lick alone had him hard in his sweatpants. Dean just decided to do things that he liked in a blowjob. If Cas wanted something else, he could just change it up. After a few tentative licks, Dean wrapped his lips around the head of Cas’s cock and wrapped his hand around the base. 

Above him, Castiel was panting and whispering something inaudible. As Dean slid his lips down, taking more and more of Cas’s impressive size into his mouth, Cas’s babbling got louder. He was speaking Enochian. While Dean surely did not understand it, the wanton way the words fell from Cas’s lips sent shivers down his spine and caused him to moan around the dick in his mouth. Cas had to use all his strength not to thrust up into the warm heat of Dean’s mouth. He first started to close his eyes as Dean began to bob up and down, but forced them open. He didn’t want to miss one second of the show. Once they were open, he noticed that Dean’s other hand was out of sight and his shoulder was moving in a telltale way. 

“Dean! Fuck. Are you touching yourself right now?” Cas could barely breathe at the sensation he was feeling. He was about to come embarrassingly fast.

Dean didn’t say anything, he just sent Cas a wink, and worked his hands and mouth faster. Dean couldn’t help but moan around Cas as he neared his own release. The vibrations were enough to send Cas over the edge.

“Dean! I’m gonna...please...oh god!” Cas arched his back and came down Dean’s throat. Dean swallowed as much as he could but some dribbled out and down Dean’s chin. Once Cas was spent, Dean pulled off and rested his head on Cas’s thigh as he chased his own orgasm. It only took a few more seconds for Dean to spill over his hand, onto the side of the mattress, and onto the pillow under his knees. 

He stayed there for a moment to catch his breath. Once he felt he could move, Dean slowly stood, allowing his knees to crack and the tingly feeling in his feet subside. Not one to let himself feel awkward, Dean smirked at Cas and said, “Well, I’m gonna go brush my teeth.” 

Once in the bathroom, Dean took a good look at himself. He just sucked his first dick. Not that he planned to make a habit if it, but Dean was a try-anything-once kind of guy. He didn’t look any different, his jaw ached a little and his knees were definitely sore, but everything else checked out. He made quick work of brushing his teeth. Once he was done, he frowned. He kind of missed the taste of Cas. When Dean went back into the main space of the room, he saw Cas sitting upright in the center of the bed. His clothes were back in order and he had a far off stare. “Everything okay, Cas?” Dean asked as he made his way back under the covers of the bed. 

Cas turned to Dean. Suddenly Cas surged forward and kissed Dean. After the initial shock, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed him back with a vigor. When they broke apart, Cas blushed. “Sorry. I just felt like after what you did, it was weird that we haven’t kissed. And I thought it was weird that my penis had more contact with yo-”

Dean cut Cas off by kissing him again. They made out for a while until the need for sleep was too overwhelming. With one final kiss, Cas laid on his back on his side and Dean moved all the way back to his own side. However at some point in the night, Dean rolled over and laid his arm across Cas’s chest and tangled their legs together. He gave a silent, subconscious prayer that Cas would want to try that again and again, and maybe one day, go even further. And for the first time in his life, Dean fe fell into a deep sleep while sharing a bed.

...and once again everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on vacation this week and the wifi is terrible, so I am soooo happy I wrote a few chapters ahead. I am on a historical adventure so the week is packed but hopefully there will be another update in a few days if i can get the internet long enough....

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a few chapters already. I want to be ahead of this one so i don't have long gaps of time. I wont promise a specific day but I will try to do once a week


End file.
